I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
