Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
