Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
