he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
