Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
