Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The best revenge is premature balding
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
