Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
