He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
