I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
