Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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