That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's Friday. Sex?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
