There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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