Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
In America we eat man semen.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
