i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
