...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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