"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
