Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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