I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
