It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish i was in the wii world.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
