that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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