shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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