You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just googled if crying burns calories
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
