I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
