Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
