Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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