you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
