im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
