Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
