Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize