This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
