Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
