I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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