But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
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