i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize