Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
