whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
