She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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