I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
