Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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