I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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