So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
