It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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