I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
