the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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