My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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