Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
operation harelip BJ is a go
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize