dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just threw up on my dentist
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
