I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
