why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
