yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize