i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
