I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
