My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize