You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
