So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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