He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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