You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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