his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
