He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
