I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
