Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
