And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
