I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
