If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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