I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
