i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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