@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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