She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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