dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think your dad took our porno
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
