i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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