My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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