Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
