Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
it hurts more in the daytime
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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