the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
