just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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