Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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