You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
