i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
