when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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