Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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