mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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