Having a random hookup so left but love u
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
