Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
