Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
