Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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