his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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