I'm so fucking centered right now
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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