Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
