Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
