so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
