u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
