So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
