My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
