Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
