dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
