I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
