pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
