I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
