and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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