I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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