The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
