worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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