Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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