I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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