After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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