Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
